The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
