I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
