Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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