He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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