you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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