Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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