apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he thought i was a dude.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
