3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
