On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
