Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
