Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
