You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
