You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
