pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
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So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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