P.S. I can't hear my feet
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
