speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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