She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
