I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
