Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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