I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
