I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
