Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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