I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
