i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
