I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude. I can hear the air.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
