Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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