just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize