She said her name was "party"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
