Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
