so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
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This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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