she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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