Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
