I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
