Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
