I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
