ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
