you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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