Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
