We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh god it's open bar.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
