I'm so fucking centered right now
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh god it's open bar.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
