he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
