does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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