i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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