Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
