My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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