people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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