I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
