he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
