the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
