I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
