youre lurking in front of me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize