I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
