Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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