you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
