Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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