omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
