Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
