I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
