I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
and you fell through a lawn chair
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
