Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have fence marks all over my body
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
