He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize