she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
