Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
